A Sister Company

...slow day...

Dwarf M.D.

Did you ever notice how the seven dwarves are basically one doc, and six side-effects?

Think about it. Dopey, Sneezy, Bashful, Sleepy, Happy and Grumpy.

It begs the question, what does Doc have these guys on? Especially Dopey.

On a totally unrelated note, I wonder if they looked at Snow White and said, "Hi, Ho."?

Best. Movie. Line. Ever.

Everyone loves quoting movie lines. Immortal moments of the silver screen when a turn of the phrase would capture the spirit of the film or character.

The mystery of "Rosebud."

The unaffected nonchalance of "Frankly Scarlet, my dear, I don't give a damn."

The bubbling defiance of "Are you talking to me?"

The destiny changing "Luke, I am your father."

The passionate and sincere delusion in "You can't handle the truth."

The life affirming freedom of "I'm King Of The World."

The corrupting obsession of "My Precious."

The unconditional love in "You had me at hello."

The commercialism of athletics in "Show me the money."

The innocent blend of apprehension and anticipation in "Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to seduce me?"

But none of these, in my amateurish point of view, come close to the pure honest, directed and determined anger captured ever so eloquently in this line from one of my favorite modern B-movies of all time:

"Fuck you, you fucking fuckers."

Blunt. Visceral. Honest.

With zero sugar-coating, no pretense, no remorse and no false decency.

You don't say something like that without meaning it. These five words strung together encapsulate everything the movie is about. Nothing more, nothing less.

The future classic was deadpanned by a grim Clive Owen while pursuing Paul Giammati and his goons in the movie Shoot Em Up.

And it's brilliant! When it feels like everyone is out to get you, it's the perfect phrase to shout. You can't help but get a rush out of it.

The line can be applied to all the movies listed above and it would change everything!

A dying old man's last words. A marine Colonel berating a pussy of a navy lawyer in his "faggoty white uniform." from the witness stand. A roguish punk on the deck of the Titanic screaming into the wind, almost decrying Celine Dion's siren song. The Lord of the Sith scolding his lost rebel sister-kissing son. A hyperactive football player telling his sports agent what he thinks of him. A lone, deranged cab driver staring at himself in the mirror. A chauvinist leading man verbally smacking his woman while all of Georgia is engulfed in flames. Gollum and Smeagol telling two closet Hobbits to suck it. The freshman blurting it out to the older woman.

I mean, just imagine if that was what the Bridget Jones chick told Jerry Maguire.

"Fuck you, you fucking fucker(s)."

If you haven't watched Shoot Em Up, I strongly recommend you waste some time on it. It's an unabashedly bad movie done for pure dirty fun. Over the top action sequences on a low budget with a video game plot where bullets rain like parade confetti. It features some pretty creative and imaginative uses of guns. Don't take it seriously. Don't ask " Is it a satire? Is it a statement?"

If you're one of those pricks who over intellectualizes everything and tries to find the meaning and thesis of this motion picture, well then fuck you you fucking fucker.

It's Bugs Bunny VS Elmer Fudd on crack. It's Clive Owen shooting an army of thugs while banging Monica Bellucci. It's bloody, excessive and gratuitous.

It's... fucked up.

Ka-Boom De Yada

In 2008, Discovery Channel launched this really whimsical TV commercial and asked fans the world over to make their own versions. In 2009, I finally got around to taking them up on the offer.

Piloto, huwag po.

Flew seair last week to and from Boracay last week. The aircraft was really old and rickety. Nothing like the squeaking, rattling parts of the plane you're on to make you reflect on things like:

10 things you never want to hear from pilots.

1) Aabot pa yan. Di pa naman umiilaw eh.

2) She left me pare. Ayoko na!

3) Huy. Sa tagal tagal ko na dito, ngayon ko lang napansin `to.

4) Pare, I lab you.

5) Eenie... meenie... miney...

6) Taragis. Bakit Japanese ang control manual? Pilipino ako!

7) Welcome and thank you for flying with us. Ingatz.

8) Brod, di ko makita yung likod. Baba ka muna.

9) Ohhhhhh. 45 degrees…. EAST. Linawin kasi eh.

10) Laki talaga nang utang na loob ko kay Captain Raymundo. I don’t think I’ll be here kung di niya ako pinakopya sa finals nung Pilot exam.

New Promo at Dunkin Donuts

Offer good while supplies last!
Collect them all!

My Last Temptation

Yesterday, I decided to go to the gym again. The fact that my membership was expiring in a couple of months and I had been remiss in my duties to my wellbeing were surprisingly sufficient motivators for once. Like the saying goes, my body is a temple, just like those delapidated ruins you see in those Indiana Jones and Lara Croft flicks.

Anyway, mustering the willpower to go to the gym is tough enough, they had to go and do this?
















Upon leaving Fitness First by foot, you will have to pass through that little alleyway flanked by two entrances. Walking past them yesterday, I could not help but take in the "comehither aromas" wafting from both establishments. The irresistable smell of grilled, juicy cheeseburgers, and sumptuous fries along with delectable McChicken patties dancing with the sensory tingle that only freshly baked Krispy Kreme classic doughnuts can give.

Of course, you can take your car instead. However, they were thoughtful enough to provide us with Drive Through window counters. On each side.

A veritable gauntlet for anyone who had just come off a grueling hour or so at the treadmill and weights machines.

I am proud to say I resisted their calls. Only to go home, plop in front of my TV set to watch the PBA games while devouring half a can of Spam and fried rice.

You have got to be kidding me.

I wonder if anyone actually bought this pen solely because of this amazing price cut.

Casual buyer: "It was too expensive before but man, what a deal! 10 centavos off!"

At some point, you get the feeling that the people behind stuff like this reallly think we're all a bunch of suckers.

The early bird gets its eggs served sunny side up.

Breakfast is my favorite meal.

Not just of the day, mind you. It's my favorite meal- period.

I especially love the breakfast meals at all those fast food joints and restaurants.

You know, the ones they serve till 10 am. And hotel breakfast buffets wow.

On the other hand, I despise getting up early enough for them.

Thank heaven for Pancake House, Tapa King and other establishments who champion the cause of serving breakfast all day and all night.

Although frankly, it isn't quite as satisfying as making it to those "morning only" meals.

But again, I really hate getting up early enough for them.

Well, I'm off to bed.
And in a few hours, the struggle will begin anew.

Mr. Bud Light Jingle Writer

Here's a little something for my friends in the ad biz:




Title: MR BUD LIGHT JINGLE WRITER

ANN: Bud Light Presents Real Men of Genius.

SINGER: Real Men of Genius.

ANN: Today we salute you, Mr. Bud Light Jingle Writer.

SINGER: Mr. Bud Light Jingle Writer.

ANN: Even though your campaign is almost 5 years old, you still manage to clean up at award shows.

SINGER: I got kids that are younger

ANN: Hey judge, here’s my bud light radio ad, where’s my award?

SINGER: Recipe for success

ANN: While the rest of us spend months hacking away in cubicles and recording studios, trying desperately to come up with new winners. You have a formula.

SINGER: E equals Grand Prix squared

ANN: Insert Mr. witty descriptive name here, paste smarmy sarcastic wisecrack there, and top it off with a back-up singer slash glam rocker

SINGER: Hey that’s me `yo!

ANN: You’re so friggin’ brilliant, a whole generation of writers are left on the outside looking in.

SINGER: Do you guys have an opening?

ANN: So crack open an ice cold Bud Light Oh Fixture Of the Festivals

And here’s to you getting too drunk to write another ad

SINGER: Mr. Bud Light Jingle Writer.

ANN: Bud Light Beer. Anheuser-Busch, St. Louis, Missouri

Swiss skills

Those knives of theirs make me wonder just how versatile the Swiss Army soldiers really are.

A batallion of all-around handymen who can open wine bottles.

With neatly groomed fingernails no less.

The Halloween Protection Racket

Well, Halloween is upon us again. Time for that classic tradition of having kids dress up and ask their neighbors to give them candy... or else.

I am of course talking about trick or treat.

In the old days, the kids would play pranks on any holdouts who refuse to give them anything. Now, they just cry or call them names and make them feel bad. But the essence remains the the same. Hand over the sweets or we'll let you have it.

Which, curiously, is just how criminal protection rackets work. Pay up or we mess up your business or home.

Chinatown Everywhere

Someone once told me that there's a Chinatown in every part of the world. A corner in each nation which Chinese immigrants have claimed their own.

There's one in New York City.
One in Florida.
One in Virginia.
One in San Francisco.
One in France

One in Toronto.
One in Vancouver.
One in Manila.
There's even one in Disney World.

But I really felt it was getting out of hand when a couple of years ago, while on a trip to Shanghai, China, the tour guide took us to Chinatown.

In China.

Yes Virginia, there's a Chinatown in China.

"Wouldn't every town in China count as Chinatown?"

Apparently not. Because soon enough, we were taken to a small enclosed town which was by far the most cliche' Chinese town I ever saw... and this was in China mind you.

Some one actually thought it was brilliant to put up a Chinatown in China.

You know, for tourists. For tourists visiting China.

A Few Words On Procrastinating

(content to follow)

5 Famous Songs as they were BEFORE the Final draft...

1) Every Other Thing She Does Is Magic

2) Lunchtime at the Oasis

3) Karma Iguana

4) I Grazed The Sheriff

5) If You're Going To San Francisco (be sure to say 'hi' to my cousin there)

Be Careful What You Wish For...

There's this line from an old Gin Blossoms song that goes "Only Time Will Tell, If Wishing Wells, Could Bring Us Anything." which I always found very inspiring.

Perhaps one day, if we're patient enough, the things we've always dreamed about would come true. After all, we were never promised that our wishes would come true right away.

But then, what about the stuff we wished for when we were kids who didn't know better? Cause I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want some of these to come true NOW.

And I don't mean the wishing for ponies or that complete set of Transformer toys...

Nope. I'm talking about the stupid wishes. For instance...

I once wished to be a lion.

And another time... a zookeeper.

So if you're ever at a zoo, and you see a lion in the Elephant cage sweeping the dung off the floor...

... just give me a tip and move along.

It just dawned on me...

Today,

As I sat at my desk watching the sun slowly peek out of the horizon to dispel the shadows of darkness as it cast its radiance over this good earth...

I let out a sigh and said to myself:

"What the F*** am I doing in the office this early!?"

Honor Among Thieves

Ah Piracy.

There's a community of people here who download episodes of foreign TV shows and movies off the internet, burn them on DVDs and sell them.

I recently found out that a group of these folks (let's call them Group A) are ticked off at some of their fellow pirates (Group B) because these Group B pirates would buy discs from Group A... rip and burn them... and sell them.
They're ticked off because while they do all the "hard" pirate work, these other guys pirate their work!

How bad has it gone? You now see them encoding messages attacking the each other into the DVDs. So if Group B pirates copy Group A discs, and the customer views these discs, there's actually an INSULT against the Group B guys whom they bought it from.

For the pirates protection, apparently.

I'd comment on this... but the irony says it all. I can't top that.

I wonder...

... why Velcro shoes went out of style?


... what makes white lies white?


... if librarians ever take home books?


... what Scarlett Johanssen is doing right this very moment?


... if retired porn stars ever sit around reliving the glory days?


... if prostitution is really the oldest profession, were there any Call-cave-girls putting out in exchange for, I dunno... fire?


... if Father Abraham were alive today, how many children would he have?


... why genies grant THREE wishes and not five? Or just one?


... what pick-up line did Adam use on Eve? "Hey! You've got one of my bones in you. Want another?"


... how do we know Australia isn't on top, and some early explorer just had the map upside down? (Good Lord, we've been living a lie!)


... if there are any people with near death experiences that go: "Come towards the dark, child... come towards the dark, child..."

hmm.

American Invasion

You know what bugs me about the term "African-American" and "Asian-American?"

These are still, in essence, racist terms.

And it will remain so until they decide to start calling every white person "European-Americans."

Because if you get technical about it, the only American-Americans by that definition would be the Hawaiians, the Inuits and of course, the Native Americans, who, ironically, got mistaken for Indians by the Euro-americans.

Later, they tried correcting this by calling them American Indians... not to be confused with Indian-Americans who actually came from India.

Incidentally, does this mean a black man in Canada is an African-Canadian? And if a guy comes from America and moves to Africa, does that make him an American-African?